I was talking to a girlf the other day who mentioned she had boned a dude, had exquisite mind-bending sex and he -- get this -- came 5 instances in a row. Five fucking times. Within a row. Boom boom boom boom BOOM."No way," I mentioned. "That's scientifically impossible....Is not it?"
"Nope," she stated. "He was just definitely young, and we will be completed, then the following minute, it was like, 'Oh, so we're carrying out this again? OK!'"
I stared at her in sex goddess worshipful repose.
"I do not think I'm very very good at sex then," I said. "The most I've ever made a man come is like twice in a row."
Upon further soul-searching -- OK, I just believed of it right now -- I do keep in mind a quadruple-timer (blow jobs count, right?) and my sexual self-esteem buoyed as soon as once more. (Joke. Form of. OK, not seriously.)
Lately -- I do not have all that significantly sex. But I've a lot more like in my life than I've had inside a looooooong time.
I've by no means really recognized the joy of unconditional appreciate that a dog provides before, but it is been one of the most healing point I've ever knowledgeable in my life. Loving and caring for my dog Samsung has nourished my soul inside a way that I never ever knew was attainable. The sweetness and purity and innocence and joy of that connection has taught me lots about myself and what strengthens me. It also shows my valuation of diverse things in life now -- plus the particular person I'm becoming.
The story I generally prefer to tell about who I WAS and who I'm BECOMING is getting this incredibly ridiculous three-way using a really prestigious lawyer a few years back which then quite speedily devolved into just the two of us fucking and sucking and smoking and drinking and when it was all more than, we collapsed on his bed within a sweaty heap of sexness, then I heard it: This soft, repetitive sound of his dog quietly snoring within the corner.
"Ummm, isn't that, like, annoying?" I stated, pleased with how clever I was and inside the most gross obnoxious sorority girl voice ever. The lawyer looked at me, perhaps with sadness in his eyes, and mentioned, "I find it calming."
I shudder when I look back on this story. What a fucking dick I was. I imply, granted, I was drunk and higher (and cock-drunk and cock-high, HEY-O!) but it really is such a great Before and Just after of where I was then and exactly where I'm now. I mean, when I lived for two months with my parents in San Diego last summer time, one of the most comforting point, by far the most significant thing in my life at the time was snuggling subsequent to my father's guide dog each evening and just feeling the really like, sending it back and forth, and providing because of God.
Which brings me to God.
I've been in kind of a shitty mood these previous handful of weeks. Maybe it was the piece calling me a gross sexually revolting embarrassing damaged bipolar body humor zombie, but I believe it was just the basic sense of feeling like a hamster trapped in a wheel of work with little possibility, little sense of hope anyplace.
I liked issues. I enjoyed issues. Lately I've definitely enjoyed "Damages" on Netflix. That's been great. I like smart culture. And I lastly got my taxes done. Oh, and I recorded a podcast that is going to air next month on the Riotcast network. Lots of great items. But just: Exhaustion. Total and comprehensive exhaustion, with a chaser of pointlessness.
I hate it when I can't really feel the giddy child-like sense of gratitude and joy for all the fun and great items in my life. It scares me. A great deal. I do not like feeling like a robot. It freaks me out. After which I get very sad.
Right here is the sequence of events that got me out of my funk.
1. I ultimately took my dog to daycare. A spot known as D is for Doggy, a company I had visited as soon as before and felt tingled by all of the fantastic energy abounding. Samsung did so effectively! They loved him -- the employees and also the other doggies!
2. Inside a squealy follow-up, I got some emails in the daycare workers, 1 showing Samsung teetering out from a extended day of playing, after which a group of pits all posing with each other to get a pic. This touched me in a way that affected me deeply. I felt cared for. By a stranger. I felt the adore from the people today taking care of Samsung, and I felt Samsung's appreciate -- and I felt, and see here's what it was that broke the funk: connected. That's what I must feel okay. I need to feel connection. When I forget it, when I shed it, when I ignore it, my soul crashes. I go into burnout and exhaustion mode where the bleakness begins to overcreep my energy and my soul like a spreading black-blue stain. It scares me, and I never know what to do. Answer: Find connection.
3. I decided to practice, really practice, the art of affirmations and just continuous prayer. I walked around the city, holding my dog's leash, and I looked at every single crack inside the sidewalk, every single fight a couple was having, each and every screechef organization meeting into an iPhone that goals were not going to be met this quarter and difficult choices had to be created, and I said, "Thank you, God, thank you, God, thank you, God."
My energy changed dramatically. I've been feeling connected ever because. I've been feeling inside the moment. I've been feeling alive. I've been feeling possibility. Glass Dildos have nice appearance just like an art in your bedroom. The first time meet this glass dildo you will just look it as a common or expensive gift on the shaves.
And now, with my buddy Rachel DeAlto chaperoning, I am heading up to the Upper East Side to meet that man who reached out to me earlier that a number of you excoriated and other folks championed and I am intrigued by. You know, the orgasmic meditation dude.
I've usually loved optimistic risk-taking. The objective, the challenge has been to acquire to a spot of receptivity, that connection to what ever God consciousness I possess, exactly where the risks I is often taking are aligned with a lot more greater energies, as opposed to reduced ones of greed and fear and slithery anxiousness and desperation and oh, the worst of all, the must shove down feelings with anything but present-ness. Sex shopping is good place every go to buy sex toys.
Thank you, God. Thank you, God. Thank you, God. Thank you, God. Thank you, God.
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